Acceptance and Self-love. They really go hand in hand. Coming up to almost a Year until my last relationship, I can honestly say I feel at peace. Today whilst sharing my blog with a new friend I was asked the question “Are you over your ex?”. My first thought was not… ‘It’s complicated’ nor was it, ‘I think so’. My answer was a resounding YES.
Once I had reached the ??? stage of my break-up, I realized it was time to focus on loving myself and loving my own company. I go to work, cooked dinner for my family took long walks with my dog and best friend. I live life without questioning myself, my looks or my value. At work, I walked with confidence, my hair was flourishing and my skin glowing. I had slowly but surely, begun to become the woman I always wanted to be. At the moment that I realized how truly happy I was, it dawned on me that this happy and exuberant person was the complete opposite of the person I was in my previous relationship.
Then I had a down day. Then I realized yet again I was forcing myself to move on. I kept saying it, in the hope that I’d believe myself. I just wanted to hurry up and move on with my life. For everything to be picture perfect so I could wrap it in a bow and post it on Instagram.
In hindsight, the YES that I professed at the beginning of this post was a lie. Because I hesitated before answering. I don’t think I am completely over it just yet, but I am recognizing where I am. I need to take some ‘me’ time (Thanks Liyi). Apologies for sounding cliché but I don’t think I have ever truly done that before. I’ve never fully invested substantial amounts of time in myself, my interests and hobbies. Some days I feel at peace. Whilst on a day like today, I feel like I have no idea how to truly feel comfortable being alone. I really don’t. I’m always waiting for the next thing, the next event or person to make it seem like I am okay, and go back to being in a familiar place.
I think the final stage of a breakup. Is when you realize You are not okay 100% of the time. It’s when you realize it’s time to just focus on you and how to live being alone. There will always be small things and reminders because that person played a substantial role in your life. Some people leave an immovable mark on our being and that is okay. However, I remembered that the person who has the biggest impact on my own life is me.